A few ways to love someone you disagree with online or in person.
There’s something in the proverbial water among Christians online and in person during this highly charged political season. A desire to be right before being loving, be first to post before others and quick to speak and slow to listen. When Christians disagree online or in person, we should all see it as a teachable moment, not a reason to take sides.
I cannot take credit for most of this post. The core of it was written by a pastor friend of mine.
Christians don’t run from disagreements; It’s ok to disagree as believers in Christ. However, how we handle disagreements is what should set us apart as believers. Nobody changes their opinion because of your comment section on your social media newsfeed. Jesus calls us to love our enemies. If you only love those who love you, what makes you different from unsaved people? We, as believers, are called to initiate and imitate the love of Christ in the world but remain grounded in truth – not opinion, conjecture, projection, or hearsay. Why are you sharing it if you didn’t get it from the source? And even if you did get it from the source, why would you share private messages or conversations and risk building your own pride in the process? How do your comments, conjecture, or projection move anyone closer to the foot of the cross? In your disagreement, wouldn’t it be better to private message the person and say, “Hey, can we have a face-to-face conversation about this?” Instead of just making a comment and closing your laptop, which requires no effort toward love, understanding, or reconciliation. People always quote Matthew 18 at this point in a post like this. But instead of dissecting Matthew 18 in this post. Go read Matthew 18 in the light of these steps.
- Look at the person you disagree with from God’s perspective. It’s easy to dehumanize those we disagree with. In order to have a real healthy and loving conversation we must first see them through God’s eyes. The eyes that looked out on the crowd at his crucifixion and said, “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” They… are not “their idea” or “their opinion.” They are a person, worthy of love and respect even if they are not a person who gives themselves that love and respect that they are worthy of in Christ’s eyes. Sometimes a person’s post, comment, or negative attack is really an expression of self hatred or internal turmoil from past trauma. The person you disagree with is someone Jesus loves. He loves them more than you might love them, and he died for them. Your cynical comment or angry response, is most likely not what Jesus had in mind. There can be a time and a place for anger and disagreement. But most of the time, it’s ill timed and poorly placed.
- Work to understand their perspective. When people yell, they do not listen. I say this slowly raising my hand. Guilty as charged. And when you are speaking over someone, interrupting them, or not acknowledging your verbal or physical overstepping, not apologizing in the conversation for talking over someone (again, guilty as charged) or writing in ALL CAPS, you are not listening. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” We are called to understand where a person is coming from before we criticize their ideology by listening more than we speak, and being slow to argue. Have you read, listened, re-read, or watched, listened from their perspective, then rewatched, or gained an ounce of compassion for why they are so passionately opposed to your view?
- One of the most challenging but beneficial things you can do in a disagreement is to lay down your own pride. Pride always prevents us from loving and learning. At the end of the day, you might be wrong. So, begin with the end in mind. Consider how you might handle being wrong. And if you can’t handle being wrong, maybe you’re not mature enough to engage in the online or in-person conversation yet. Perhaps, at that point, praying for maturity for yourself might be a better option than a keystroke that could end a relationship or cut off a person. How will you feel if your words cause the person who is offended, Christian or not, to never speak to you again? Is that worth it in the end? If you believe you are always right, how will you ever discover the beauty of being wrong but at peace that passes all understanding when you are wrong? Getting it right with people you disagree with is more important than being right.
- Maybe you shouldn’t be on social media? Just a thought. But if you cannot behave as a mature believer in this part of your life, maybe this part of your life shouldn’t be focused on right now? People existed before social media. Maybe, snooze it until you can reach a place of maturity where you are not reactive to situations online or in person. I (Pastor Joe) once had someone I constantly disagreed with. Ironically the best place for us to be together was in a fishing boat all day. We had things to talk about other than our differences, and eventually we worked things out. Road trips are good for me in this regard too. Find a way to discuss that works to bring understanding and not grief. The world sees your posts and they will know we are Christians by our love. So disagree in a loving Christ honoring way.
Core ideas from: Kevin Geer, DMin, Southeastern University, Lead Pastor at Canvas Church, Kalispell Montana.
Original post at https://www.facebook.com/canvaschurchmt
Learn more about Kevin or his church.
www.lifengeer.com
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